How to Help Someone Who’s in Pain: A Guide to Showing Up with Compassion

Pain doesn’t always announce itself with visible wounds or loud cries. Sometimes it whispers in a friend’s silence, hides behind a co-worker’s smile, or lingers in the spaces between words. Whether it’s physical, emotional, or psychological, pain is part of the human experience—and sooner or later, someone close to us will need help navigating it.

The question is: How do we truly help someone who is in pain?

Too often, we rush to fix what can’t be fixed or offer words when presence would have been enough. Here are a few guiding principles to keep in mind when you’re walking alongside someone who is hurting:

1. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond

When someone opens up about their pain, it’s a sacred moment. Resist the urge to interrupt with solutions or comparisons. Just listen. Nod. Offer gentle affirmations. Ask questions that invite them to share more, not shut down.

Sometimes the most healing words you can say are:

“That sounds really hard.”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

“I’m here. Tell me more if you want.”

2. Validate Their Experience

Pain is deeply personal. Even if you don’t fully understand it, that doesn’t make it any less real for the person experiencing it. Avoid minimizing their experience or comparing it to someone else’s. Phrases like “at least…” or “it could be worse” often do more harm than good.

Instead, validate their feelings:

“It makes sense that you feel this way.”

“You’re not overreacting. Anyone in your situation would feel this too.”

3. Show Up Consistently

People in pain often feel isolated. Let them know they’re not alone—not just with words, but with actions. Send a message to check in. Drop off a meal. Sit with them in silence. You don’t need grand gestures. What they really need is someone who doesn’t disappear after the first few days.

Pain can linger long after the world moves on. So check in… again and again.

4. Respect Their Boundaries

Support doesn’t mean pressure. Some people heal by talking, others by retreating for a while. Offer your presence, but let them guide the pace and depth of interaction. Ask what they need. If they don’t know yet, that’s okay too.

A good phrase to offer:

“I’m here for whatever you need—even if it’s just space.”

5. Don’t Underestimate Small Acts

A cup of tea. A kind note. A ride to an appointment. These may seem small to you, but they can feel like lifelines to someone in pain. When a person’s world feels heavy, even the tiniest gesture can bring light.

6. Be Patient with the Process

Healing doesn’t follow a schedule. You may not see progress, but that doesn’t mean your support isn’t making a difference. Stay the course. Keep showing up. Let them be where they are.

Pain isn’t something to be rushed through—it’s something to be witnessed.

7. Take Care of Yourself Too

Supporting someone in pain can be emotionally taxing. Make sure you’re tending to your own well-being as well. It’s okay to have limits, and it’s okay to take breaks. You’ll show up better for others when you also show up for yourself.

Final Thoughts: You don’t need the perfect words. You don’t need to fix what’s broken. Your job isn’t to be a hero—it’s simply to be human.

In a world that often feels disconnected, offering presence, patience, and empathy is one of the most powerful gifts you can give.

So if someone you love is in pain, start here: Show up. Stay present. Keep loving—even through the silence.